Where do I start?
That was a wild 12 days of drama from both sides of this argument. I thought I would share some of the stories I have read about this couple’s drama around his Instagram post proclaiming his love for his “Curvy” wife and try to show both sides of this story. (I am not going to address the claims about the two of them and their other racist and ignorant tweets and posts from the past. Also, I do smell a bit of a PR grab here, by the two of them, but I am somewhat cynical.)
When I googled this story using the words “husband writes letter to curvy wife,” google returned over 877,000 links. That is a lot of links. Gives you and idea of how much virality this story created since his IG Post on July 30th.
And, you may be asking yourself “Why does proclaiming his love for his curvy wife create so much drama?” Here is his original IG post here in case you are the one last human on the planet who has not heard about it yet: Tripp IG Post
Some people really loved the note at first. That lasted about one day. Then people started to question his wording and his intent.
This link is from the Today Show and it was very early on after he posted and they are still SWOONING over the post here: Today Show / Tripp Letter to his Curvy Wife I get it. Some of the post is kind. And, as a woman living in a fat body, I understand how we are looking for validation. Many of us are looking for validation from our romantic partners, sort of like this. When you are a fat woman in our culture, you end up always on edge because of so much public ridicule. It can make you paranoid wondering “Is my partner REALLY into me even though I am a size 26.”
I see it almost every day at my boutique and on my social pages. There is VERY little representation in the media where fat women are shown loved, adored, worshipped and we are hungry for that. We are hungry to be treated like other women who are publicly loved and adored. I feel it in my own relationship, although I try to quiet my inner mean voice. My partner makes me feel loved, adored, smart, hot, sexy and valued on a daily basis; yet my brain occasionally wonders into those dark places. So, I truly do get the fact that some people enjoyed his public proclamation for his love of his “curvy” wife. We do not see that kind of public adoration often and because we receive so much abuse about our bodies, even the most confident of us can doubt our own relationships despite having so much proof that our partner is into us. (And, btw, I happen to love myself a lot and I truly do not need his validation, but when things are bad, it can be very comforting for sure.)
You are supposed to love your wife, Robbie!!! I guess that is where it goes sideways for me. It is almost he if is saying he loves her despite her body. He is proclaiming something that people have been doing for thousand of years…. loving his wife. And, from what I can tell, she is actually average sized. 67% of women in America wear a size 16 or larger, per this Bloomberg article.
Why did he have to call out her body size? Why not just write “I love my wife.” What if his wife was Asian. Would we all be feeling so warm and fuzzy if he wrote a letter that said “I love my Asian wife! ” No, of course not.
Love this YouTube on this same topic from Meghan Tonjes: Subscribe to her channel! She rocks.
Be sure to read Dee L’s comment on her page. Dee most closely captures how I would feel if my partner made a ridiculous public proclamation like this guy, Robbie. (His phone would also be shoved in a very dark orifice!)
Like my friend Alysse, I really did not want to add to the chatter and links about this story because honestly, it chapped by very large ass. However, about 50 people shared it with assuming I would want to share it, but all for the wrong reasons. (They were swooning over him and his post. BLECK!) If you have ever read my “DO NOT SETTLE” blog on the Huffington Post, you would understand my position, better.
Alysse wrote this “I Will Never Be Your Curvy Wife” on OnThePlusSide.Net . Here are two of my favorite quotes from her blog that I fell in love with:
“When men like Robbie are rewarded for fetishization, this harms fat folks who are fighting to be treated with respect and it only serves to further the objectification of fat bodies.”
“My humanity is in no way reliant on my desirability to men. I am not your curvy wife. I am not your baby. I am not your BBW. I am mine. My body is mine. I belong to myself. You being attracted to my body doesn’t make you special. I require the people in my life treat me like the whole person that I am.” Alysse Dalesandro
And, to just end on a little humor, please read this funny that someone on Scary Mommy had to say about the medal that Robbie was hoping for.
Truly, I hope they have a long and happy relationship. They seem like a couple well suites for each other. I wish them nothing but happiness, honesty. But, friends – this is not what you area looking for in a partner. What we should all be looking for is someone who loves you. No qualifies. Period. Full Stop.
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