Dating While Fat
Well, I never really thought I would write this blog. Been doing the online dating thing for about 3 months now. Something happened via email yesterday morning that made me sort of snap! (I turned down a person for a date. Blasphemy. Fat Girls DO NOT turn down dates, ya know. I mean, we are so desperate and all. Why would I turn him down?) I almost wrote it all and sent it out last night, but I decided I need to cool off first. This was after a very rude string of back and forth emails with someone very hate filled that I turned down for a date. I decided to cool down and wait 24 hours before I blurted it all out here. I am getting so mature in my old age.
So, for starters, I have had two of the most amazing men in my life and two wonderful long term relationships in my life; I count myself super grateful and blessed. I loved these men to pieces and they loved me back. Total unconditional love and everyone should be loved as well as I have been loved. Truly amazing men who were great friends, fantastic supporters of mine and some of my best cheerleaders for all of my crazy business ideas. Men that treated me like a goddess and that always made me feel beautiful and sexy. Just so blessed in that department so I have no complaints.
And, for the most part, the online dating adventure has been exactly that. It’s been a really wonderful adventure. I have gone on like 6 “first dates” so far. And, I’ve gone on a few 2nd and 3rd dates. I have also had to have that awkward discussion with a couple of them ( “You’re really great. Just not for me” ) and a few of them just sort of drifted off into the never never land that is dating. But, there have been a few interactions that have gone really really bad. I mean, like really bad. As in “you fat bitch” and one that I reported to a friend of mine (who is a San Jose PD detective) that basically said I would be better off dead. All because I am fat. Now, I am certain that this sort of thing happens to women of all sizes and shapes. Probably not just to fat women. Well, “you fat bitch” probably only happens to fat women. It is so fascinating how one moment someone is basically begging me to go on a date with them and then the next minute, after I politely turn them down, that it turns so ugly. I never even met this person. And, to think I almost did. Frightening and bone chilling.
Women who spend any time online know about all of the trolls and all of the shamers. You can be a size 2 and get plenty of hate mail and comments. (“Eat a cheeseburger” memes come to mind.) When you are fat woman online, you get fun stuff like this: (And, I do believe in full disclosure. So all of my online profiles include some verbiage that I am NOT looking to hook up or for a booty call. And, I also say I am a very sassy, voluptuous woman and even use the word BBW and spell out “big beautiful woman.”)
“Wanna fuck? I’d fuck you.” (OH JOY! I am so grateful you will fuck me! YIPPEE!)
“How big are you? You’re not too fat, right?” (Um. I am just right mother fu*ker.)
” I just love dating fat girls. They all have such great personalities!” (He is onto something, maybe. I mean, I do have a sparkling personality! Sherlock, I presume. ) “You’re sure are picky for a fat woman.” You bet your ass I am! I am picky and I am not desperate you moron. I would MUCH rather be alone and lonely then with some dickhead and lonely.
“I am a HUNG SEX GOD. I know you big girls like the big one’s” Whoa, there stud. Could we maybe meet first before you start telling me all about your junk. Sheesh! How about we shake hands once or twice before we start talking about “bumping uglies.”
I could go on and on. It’s all the same stuff we all hear all the time. But, like I said, 95% of my experiences have been great. It seems that most mature men don’t seem to even care about my body type. It doesn’t even come up. Maybe because I am so straight forward on my ads so then only men who are feeling me, reply? I think maybe when you’re immature and in high school you are much more insecure. I think once you become an adult, you become more interested in the WHOLE person and not the shell that person is in, ya know? That has been my experience.
In real life, I have never had any men (not to my face anyway) say anything negative about my big body… and have you seen my butt? It’s a big ‘un. I have certainly had lots of mean shit said to me online by the fat shamers and the trolls (and now by these men that I denied a first date to). But, never to my face. And, as I like to say “Unless I love you, I just don’t care about your opinion of me any way.” If you haven’t read my article for the Huffington Post called “Do Not Settle Curvy Girls” here is the link : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chrystal-bougon/do-not-settle-curvy-girls_b_4715263.html
It’s a reminder from me that the people you surround yourself with should LIFT you up and bring you jog. If they criticize you and put you down, you need to break up with them right away. That includes family, too. Ain’t no one got time for that bull shit, as they say. There are way too many amazing, uplifting people in the world to spend your days with those ass hats. Ok, here’s to some more great dates!
And, if you find yourself being harassed online via email or message or texts, just keep replying with the words ” Please stop emailing me.” Or “Please stop texting me.” Be clear. Be concise. Do not engage. Do not reply back with witty comments about their sad, pitiful life – no matter how good it might feel. 🙂 Just be clear. “Please stop emailing me.” And then SAVE everything in case you ever need it. And, when you get someone who is being rude via text or your cell phone – do NOT delete their telephone number from your phone. Just change the name in your contact to “Dick head. Do not answer. He made threats to me” or something like that so you have their telephone number and you NEVER mistakenly answer their call. Just a few tips from my friend who deals with this kind of bullying and threats a lot.
Blissfully, Chrystal Bougon
Dating While Fat