Sex With The Lights On?
I get this question all of the time on my Curvy Girl Lingerie Facebook Page and Blog. Women ask me constantly how can they possibly date, since they are SOOOOOO fat. Or, maybe they are in a relationship and they want to know how can the women on my page or I have sex WITH THE LIGHTS ON???? (Usually followed by about 26 questions marks.) Because, you know, they are SOOOOOOOOO fat and who wants to see all of that? (If I had a dollar for every time a male customer asks me how he can convince his plus size wife or girlfriend to stop covering up and stop hiding in the dark, I would be retired by now!)
You know who wants to see ALL OF THAT? Your lover, that’s who! Seriously, ladies. No amount of black clothes and lingerie that “hides” or “camouflages” your fat areas is going to make your lover think you are THIN. We can all still see how much space you take up……… when you are like me and you are like a size 24… there is no hiding or camouflaging that. FOR REAL. Own it, sister.
Is someone there ready to get nekkid with you? They have a pretty good idea of what you look like, I promise you. GO FOR IT. They must be pretty into you to say go on like 20 dates with you or stay married to you for 25 years….. do not deny them the pleasure of seeing you and your entire body and beauty. They could be with any one of the other 5 billion people on the planet and they are there with you! What else do you need to know?
As far as dating as a fat babe goes, I know it’s very daunting and scary because the world and the check-out aisle at the grocery store would have you convinced that you have to have zero body fat and 6, 8 or 12 pack abs to be thought of as sexy and beautiful. (Or, as some people put it, to be “fuckable.” Whatever. Someone’s definition of what is fuckable or not does not interest me. I know who I am and I know my worth.)
But, I am here to tell you something different. I own a plus size lingerie store and I have been in the business of selling romance toys for over 13 years. I feel like I have some good data to base this one. I hear from men and women all of the time and they ask me how can they get their female lover to STOP trying to hide in a robe or under the blankets. They ask me how can they convince their partner to have sex with the lights on or how can they get them to relax and have fun in their bedroom like they do when they are on vacation. DAILY I get these questions in person or online.
People are attracted to people – not bodies. Sure, there is that small percentage of men and women who will only date a person with zero body fat. But that’s ok. Let them have each other. The whole other lot of humanity is attracted to a person for who the person is, not what their body looks like. NO JOKE. (And there is that other minority of men and women who will ONLY date people with FAT bodies. That is an additional demographic you might want to stay away from. You want to be LOVED for who you are, not BECAUSE you have a fat body.)
In my humble opinion, there is not too much difference between the people who ONLY date people with ZERO body fat and the people who ONLY date people with a lot of fat on their body. To me, if the MOST IMPORTANT feature about my body is HOW much or how little fat my body has…. well that is just a red flag that you are thinking of me more as a “thing” or as a possession and not as me the whole human.
Ok, so back to dating and attractions to other humans, here is how I look at it. “If I am your flavor, I am REALLY your flavor. If I am not your flavor, I am REALLY not your flavor.” Feel me?
For example, when I look at a random group of 10 men. I am NOT attracted to every single man in that group. Why would I expect all 10 of those men to be attracted to me? So, yes, when you date, you are going to date people who find that you are not their flavor. Now, that may be because they are not attracted to you or your body or maybe they just weren’t feeling it for other reasons. Don’t automatically assume they aren’t attracted to you because of your body.
NO risk, no reward. Dating and being in a relationship is all about putting yourself out there and opening yourself up to rejection. In sales, they say 100 no’s gets you 1 yes! And, once you find a great partner, it’s about being able to be vulnerable in a safe place with someone you trust. And that reward is so worth it. (Here is a blog I wrote about dating while fat.)
And, not all relationships will last forever and that is o.k., too. But, that is a whole other blog. I try to look at all relationships, no matter how short or how long they are, as an opportunity to learn and grow. It’s not always considered a big failure if you are in a relationship for 10 years and it ends. Try to look at all you learned in those 10 years about yourself and about being a great partner.
Want to read a REALLY awesome blog about HOT FAT SEX (of as I like to call it, SEX) and about NOT hiding and letting your lover see you and enjoy you even with the LIGHTS ON? Check out SpookyFatBabes blog, here. And be sure to follow SpookyFatBabe and CurvyGirlLingerie on Instagram, too!
http://instagram.com/CurvyGirlLingerie
http://instagram.com/SpookyFatBabe
If you are ready to find some lingerie to ROCK for your lover, give us a call at my boutique in San Jose. WE can help you find the right size for your body. Tel: 408-264-4227 or browse our online store http://shop.curvygirlinc.com and we do ship our lingerie all over the world!
Remember, sex and dating are supposed to be fun. Sometimes it is also FUNNY. We all need to have a good laugh daily and when you think about all of the crazy shit that happens when you are dating or having sex – well that is what makes us all human and in touch with THE human condition. We all want to be loved and we all deserve to feel love, to feel sexy and all women deserve to feel beautiful.