See if you can relate to my self-hating, self-loathing, “I’m a fraud” inner dialogue from tonight:
You tell me I am so sexy and beautiful on a daily basis, but all I see is fat.
You tell me I am so hot and smart, but all I see is fat.
You tell me you admire me and what I have created, but I doubt myself and all I see is fat.
You show me so much care, nurturing and love, but all I see is fat.
You give me a million compliments when I wear my lingerie for you and you give me so much confidence to flaunt my curves and yet, all I see is fat. Today. Not every day. But, today, that is all I can see and feel is how fat I am.
I must be some kind of fraud, right? How can I help fat women to feel sexy and beautiful when some days I don’t see it in myself?
Tonight I was in my boutique ( where I sell plus size lingerie, btw) I saw myself in the security video camera and my first thought was “How can he see me as so sexy and hot?” ugggggggg CHRYSTAL – YOU KNOW BETTER was the second thing I thought.
Is he lying to me? How can he think all of this as hot and sexy? There’s just no way!
And that little breakdown lasted for about an hour tonight. Like all of you, it is an Continue reading